The angel's share

I have just been on my third tour of Edradour whisky distillery – the smallest distillery in Scotland. But far from being a repetitious activity, each time there is a different tour guide, each of whom I believe must be chosen for their distinctive story-telling ability.

You might be wondering why I keep going on the tour, especially as whisky (except the Edradour Cream variety, enjoyed with Jeanette) is not my tipple of choice. The answer is simple, dear friend: I accompany my visitors, most of whom seem to be avid whisky drinkers and keen to gain an insight into the inner workings of a distillery – particularly this one which is a rarity as one of the only makers to produce whisky by hand, in a still which is of the smallest size legally allowed.

On this occasion our tour guide was Ian. His daughter is about to travel to Australia to take part in the World Pipe Competition (bagpipes, that would be) so there was some competition in our conversation – me trying to ask questions about the burglar alarm system at Edradour and he trying to ask questions about Sydney. Sadly, I think it better not to relay our Q&A about the warehousing of the whisky barrels because I may inadvertently cause a security breach. Instead, I will share a couple of Ian’s stories.

“I like to ask our American visitors whether they commit that cardinal sin of putting icecubes into their whisky,” says Ian, grinning smugly and rocking back and forth on the heels of his trainers (a fashionable accompaniment to his kilt).

“On one occasion, I asked a gentleman from Texas, who thought carefully before giving his very diplomatic answer: “I have seen it done.’”

Ian then went on to explain the correct etiquette for drinking whisky – either on its own or with a teaspoon of water.

“Never fill a glass of whisky up with water,” he said.

“We call that pollution.”

In the warehouse, Ian pointed out the barrels – recycled olorosa sherry casks to give the whisky its colour – of various ages, waiting for their time to come for bottling.

“At least twenty percent of the whisky will evaporate during the aging process. We call that the angel’s share.

“But as angels don’t drink, my theory is that it is stored and given to Scots on their way to heaven.”

He tells us that whisky contributes £115 per minute to the economy, and were all the bonded whisky in Scotland be released onto the open market it would repay the UK national debt.

A 50 year-old whisky which will be ready in 2016 will retail for around £2,000 a bottle, he says.

Cheap, I think. Just the other day The Scotsman reported that a bottle of The Dalmore 62 sold in Changi for £125,000.

Legend has it that the traditional size of a wee dram of whisky was based on a bottle providing 18 nips – one for each hole on the golf course. On my reckoning, that’s £6,944.44 (a tad over $11,000) per slug.

Expensive game, golf.